Navigating Through Choices - 18 months home

After 18 months of being home we still get asked "So, hows it going?" I can answer with a simple, "Good, good." But what a loaded question that was a year ago.  I wanted to ask them, "What do you mean? How am I doing? How is Justin coming along? How are my biological kids adjusting?"  There was so much to say in a such a small quick reply. But one of the areas that we struggled with was the choices Justin was going to have to make every day and how that would = frustration.

What clothes will I wear? tennis shoes or crocs?
What will I eat? cereal? waffles?
What backpack will I use? Spiderman or camouflage?
What toothbrush? the singing one or Spiderman?
Mom is asking me, ham? or egg salad? sandwich for lunch.

And it continues all day long, getting to make choices that he never had. When Justin became a part of our family I didn't realize what a huge deal this would be for him. He had choices now, but how was he supposed to navigate through so many of them in a split second.  Justin would copy every thing Brett would do or choose. If Brett wanted chocolate milk so did Justin. When Brett would ask to play the Wii, Justin would be right behind him asking too. If Brett expressed his distaste for pumpkin bread, Justin didn't like it either. If Brett was reading a Garfield book, guess which one Justin would reach for? All day long this would play out. I just wanted Justin to have an opinion for himself. He didn't have a strong opinion on anything not even which toys he liked. He would grab whatever was nearest to him even though the basket of toys was in the corner. It might have been a piece of string on the floor that he would twirl around for 10 minutes, it might have been a balloon left over from the birthday party he would hit in the air 100 times, or he would follow me around everywhere asking every question under the sun.  I thought I was showing him favor just as I would towards Madeline and Brett by giving him a choice, but Justin couldn't do that yet. For a few weeks - a month or so I would give him his snack, etc. without offering him a choice. I felt like I was being a mean mom, but it worked. He ate it and didn't say anything. I was surprised that he didn't protest. Eventually he started to have more of an opinion and then I moved to 2 choices.  It is was so hard not to see him as the 5 or 6 year old that he was. I still have to remind myself  that his "family age is only 18 months". Family age plays a huge role in adjustment and now that my head isn't in a cloud any longer I can see that more clearly.  Justin continues to learn what he likes and expresses his dislike for zucchini, or tomatoes.  He can choose a Sonic drink no problem and is confident that his slush is going to taste just as good as his brothers. But much like everything else it all takes time.

Justin tasting sour rainbow candy for the first time