God's timing not ours

Oh God, I know you can move mountains so why do I doubt your timing? I pray that we hear from Honduras when we can make the trip to get our son. I was so thankful to be back in the United States back in mid April, now I want to go back to Honduras. I am so happy that you map out the course of my life and not me. I have used this time to get his room ready that he will share with Brett, we have had better discussions with Brett and Madeline, Bob and I have made a commitment on top of a commitment to maintain open communication and have an extra dose of patience with one another as we transition to a bigger family.  Oh God, whatever more you are trying to do within me and within my family I humbly accept the challenge and joys that the next few months and year will bring. But I am still asking when?

Justin's Overnight April 14, 2011

Our first meal together, Pizza Hut.

Riding the escalator with caution!

Meeting Grandma Julia for the first time on IChat.

Getting ready for bed. And Justin's first encounter with the Super Bowl Champs :)

I think this is bowl #2 out of 3.

more bubbles!!!

playdough

painting with water colors

probably another reason for this emotional day

Justin's home in Honduras

Home Sweet Home! U. S. A.

On Thursday for our 2nd "visit" it was supposed to be 2 hours, but instead we were surprised with an overnight. Our first stop was to get him a soccer ball at a stand along the road. Our driver stopped, Bob hopped out and within a minute Bob was back in the car with a soccer ball for Justin. We were going to take him to Pizza Hut where they had a small indoor soccer field and tubes. While we were there we learned that he is afraid of heights and gets a little upset if one does not finish the food on their plate. At one point he needed to use the restroom so we all went. I didn't know if he wanted to use the women's bathroom or the boys so he went with me, but was also calling "Papa" to come in because he was pointing and telling me in Spanish that there are three toilets, one for him, me and "Papa". First of all I don't know a lot of Spanish and second of all didn't know how to explain that Dad cannot come in the women's bathroom. We left and went to the mall where we found him a couple of shirts, underwear, and new shoes.  He was wearing a size 7 and we bought him an 11. He wanted shoes that flash, but we couldn't find ones in the store so he picked out his next favorite. After the mall we left very exhausted. We played for a bit in the hotel room and then in Spanish he was telling us that he wanted to get ready for bed. He was trying to turn off the lights, changed into his pajamas, asked for a toothbrush, went to the bathroom, and hopped into bed. Bob and I looked at each other because we don't even see that in our home. We read him a story in Spanish Snug as a Bug, turned off the lights and within 5 minutes he was fast asleep. For the next few hours Bob and I relaxed, read a book, ordered room service and went to bed, Justin sleeping in the middle. Friday morning started early 5:45 a.m.! He slept through the night so how can I complain? We went down for breakfast and he ate 3 bowls of "Fruit Loops"and again he was upset because I didn't finish my breakfast. After breakfast we went to the rooftop terrace to blow bubbles. He really enjoyed this but was very cautious going up and down the stairs. After awhile our driver came to take us to the mall to develop pictures so that we can leave them with Justin. As Bob and our driver were developing the pictures Justin and I walked across the way and he spotted an ice cream shop. He chose a strawberry ice cream cone with sprinkles of course. He enjoyed every bit of it too. We left after drinking a cup of coffee and eating an empanada at Cafe' Americano like we have done many times this trip and went to Burger King. I played with Justin in the tubes as he tried to brave climbing in them. Two hours later he finally was brave enough to reach the top. It was a huge accomplishment!! We went back to the hotel to "rest", but it turned out to be an emotional mess with him acting out for various reasons. Now we look back and can think of a number of things why he may have acted out..fear, and frustration. He didn't understand what was happening next or what we were waiting for. When our translator arrived we had to take him back to the orphanage where we met his foster mother to take them back to their home in the mountains.  When the employees told him what was going to happen he immediately started to look sad and started to cry. As I walked down the sidewalk hand in hand with him I decided to pick him up and carry him to the car. I was a little surprised that he let me, but he did. I wanted to comfort him, but with him sitting between the foster mother and I in the backseat I felt like it was her role so I didn't comfort him, except for the occasional hand on his leg or rubbing of his arm. I wish so much at that moment that I was fluent in Spanish. I wanted to be the one to comfort him and tell him we will be back and everything would be o.k. We went inside his house and he cowered in the corner with no access to him so we were not able to say good-bye with a hug or two. After taking a picture of the foster mother and her family we left and then doubt started to creep in. Never in our journey had we felt this. It was so strange for doubt to suddenly appear after 3 years of being so sure of what we were doing was God's plan for our family. Bob and I struggled that night with insecurities of ourselves and God. Would we be in this 100%? Would God be there when we needed Him the most? What exactly are we doing? A second trip of 4-6 weeks or more? Could we make such a trip with our whole family in a 3rd world country? After an inward struggle I opened up my devotion book the next morning and read of God's unfailing provision for us. It was too perfect.  I had Bob read it and we both looked at each other and knew that our God is all that we had to rely on and that this journey is not about us or Justin, but all about Him. I just had to blog about this 24+ hours with Justin because there has been no other day like it.

Our 1st trip to Honduras

Church in the mountains

The staff at the orphanage  (our translator/driver, Ileana
is in the front in the white shirt)

We took a tour of the orphanage

My favorite picture of the toddlers 

Bob pretending to be sleeping as we wait for the psychologist

Lunch before we met Justin on Wednesday

Playing on the playground on Wednesday

Submitting our dossier at the court offices with our lawyer

May 9-15, 2011 will be in our hearts forever.  We visited Honduras for the first time. The trip was overwhelming in every aspect. We had a wonderful translator/driver who took us everywhere we needed. It was also helpful because being the pioneer family for Buckner/Honduras our caseworker was on the trip. She was able to see first hand how Honduran adoptions operate as well as the necessary steps for the adoptive families while in-country. Saturday we arrived and went out to lunch in a mall close to our hotel and then back to the hotel for the night. Sunday morning she picked us all up and took us to her church in the mountains. It was so refreshing to meet with other believers in this country where one might not feel so safe at times. Monday we met with the psychologists at INFHA to be interviewed, Tuesday, We went back to INFHA so that we can take a test. It was the same personality test that our psychologist here in the states had administered. After lunch we went to the orphanage in Tegucilgapa to meet the lawyer there and ask the doctor questions regarding Justin and his overalll health. Wednesday We returned to the orphanage where we met Justin. As we pulled in our driver honked the horn and a large iron gate was opened for our car. We walked up the sidewalk and outside kneeling on the steps to the building was Justin! I didn't know what to do since we had not been formally introduced. We looked at him and then Bob and I looked at each other with wide eyes as if to say "There he is!" We walked in and after quick introductions with the staff walked to the back in a small room and then they brought Justin in. He stood in front of a metal desk glanced up at us, said a small "Hola'", we said, "Hola'" and then he slowly turned around and ran out of the room. One of the employees returned with Justin and brought him over to us. We talked a little in our broken Spanish and then Bob pulled out his Iphone and showed him pictures of Spiderman, Batman, Sponge Bob, and Dora. He recognized Spiderman and Sponge Bob. After a couple of hours of playing on the playground, bubbles, and talk of a possible trip to the state hospital it was time to go.  (the doctor at the orphanage had detected what she thought a heart murmur when he was first brought there. After the appointment Wednesday morning the foster mother brought back a slip a paper declaring that Justin's heart was normal). Thursday we went back to the orphanage where we were going to "visit" with Justin again, but within a few minutes of being there the foster mother asked if we would like to keep him overnight. Of course we said "yes".  Our first stop was to get him a soccer ball at a stand along the road. Our driver stopped, Bob hopped out and within a minute Bob was back in the car with a soccer ball for Justin. We were going to take him to Pizza Hut where they had a small indoor soccer field and tubes. While we were there we learned that he is afraid of heights and gets a little upset if one does not finish the food on their plate. At one point he needed to use the restroom so we all went. I didn't know if he wanted to use the women's bathroom or the boys so he went with me, but was also calling "Papa" to come in because he was pointing and telling me in Spanish that there are three toilets, one for him, me and "Papa". First of all I don't know a lot of Spanish and second of all explain so that he understands that Dad cannot come in the women's bathroom. We left and went to the mall where we found him a couple of shirts, underwear, and new shoes. He was wearing a size 7 and we bought him an 11. Friday woke up early with Justin and played at the hotel and Burger King until it was time to go back to the orphanage. We were able to drive him home and take pictures and for that I am so grateful. I cannot wait to return to Honduras to bring Justin home. I just wish we knew when. We missed our kids terribly, but thanks to wifi and updated technology we ichatted (like skype) with them. Saturday There is no place like the U.S.A.!! We returned to TX. After a delay in Houston we were finally home with Madeline and Brett. My mom stayed with them for the week and although they were happy to see us I think they were sad to see their "vacation" come to an end. Now we can't wait to get back to Justin!

We Have Met Him

Our first picture with Justin

We have held him, we have seen his smile, we have seen him cry, we have heard his laugh, we have heard him call us "Mama" and "Papa", we have held his hand, we have carried him, we have hugged him, we have met our 3rd child. There are no words to describe what the experience was like. It is everything you can imagine and more. "Oh my gosh", "Wow", "There he is", "He is real", and "Oh my gosh" again! It was an experience I will never forget.